I often ponder whether the process of rediscovering our identity at different stages of life is a uniquely female experience or a universal aspect of the human experience. As we grow and mature, do we all naturally reflect on who we are and who we are becoming?
From a female perspective, the evolution of identity can be particularly complex. We are often shaped from a young age, and often praised for specific traits. Then, we become someone in a professional role, someone’s partner and then someone’s mother. Each of these roles has expectations.
Over time, our identity can become blurry, confusing, or even lost.
But what is identity?
Is it our name, our job title, or what we are good at?
Is it how others describe us? Or how we describe ourselves?
Identity is a powerful force. It goes beyond our name, job title, or skills. It is not just about how others define us or how we perceive ourselves; it’s a deeper reflection of who we truly are. Identity is a window into the soul and is essential for being truly recognised by ourselves and others. It is about being truly seen.
I consider myself immensely fortunate. From a young age, I was truly seen. My grandmother—our matriarch—gave me the nickname Sweetness. Even now, saying that word brings a smile to my face. There is something so anchoring, so life-affirming, about being truly seen.
As a young adult early in my career, I attended an event where a mentor of mine pulled me aside and said, “Do you know that when you walk into a room, you light it up?” At that time, I was in my early thirties, and for the first time in many years, I felt seen.
Years later, a number of people commented, “You know, every time you walk into a room, you smile and it lights up. You have a special talent.” For a long time, I struggled with what to do with that. In my line of work, being seen as “sweet” or as someone who lights up a room can often be viewed as a weakness—something that does not belong in the boardroom or courtroom.
When we fully embrace our identity, we naturally align our behaviour with it. This essence is something we are born with—it may dim as we journey through life, but it never truly vanishes. Embracing our identity empowers us to live authentically and confidently.
For me, this means researching the most effective solution to any legal issue I need to address. However, it is not just about the solution itself; it’s also about how I present and deliver that solution. It involves a genuine understanding of the human interests at stake and experiences that contributed to the issue we need to resolve. My goal is to leave the situation in a better state than I found it.
Understanding our identity helps us comprehend our actions more effectively. When we know who we are, we can act with intention. This intention influences our motivation, shaping how we engage in relationships, perform in our work, and interact with the world around us. Intent serves as a crucial foundation for building trust, both within ourselves and with others. Without intention, our actions may lack coherence, leading others to feel the disconnect.
Rediscovering our identity is not just about self-awareness; it is a process of reclaiming our true selves. With this reclamation comes something compelling: a sense of intent. Intent shapes our behaviours and reactions, serving as the driving force behind every promise we make and every endeavour we undertake.
Now, I know better. I now understand that being kind and being intentional—these are not weaknesses. They are strengths. They are, in fact, essential ingredients in how I practice my craft and how I build lasting relationships.
Today, I strive to leave things in a better state than I found them. That’s not just a motto—it is a reflection of who I am. It is part of my identity.
Ultimately, rediscovering one’s identity is not about reinvention—it is about remembrance. It’s about reconnecting with who we have always been, even if the world has made us forget. And when we bring intent into that rediscovery, we create space for trust, connection, and ultimately, impact.
