They say that “sorry seems to be the hardest word”. That may be so for many reasons. First, this could be because of an internal struggle between being “right” and finding self-worth versus the relationship.
As social beings, our social interactions often bring us into internal conflict at the end of the day. Balancing this is critical, in my experience, to have a happy and successful life. It is also an essential ingredient for mature leadership ability.
In 2021 we had many losses, including the request for an apology leading to an exit of someone I thought may be the right fit future leader at work. At first, I thought – it must be a gender bias or cultural difference leading to a grand misunderstanding regarding my expectations of him giving a hand of apology to another.
Then I researched the psychology of apologies. A well-received apology should have the following core ingredients:
· Expression of regret
· Explanation of what went wrong
· Acknowledgment of responsibility
· Declaration of repentance
· Offer of repair
· Request for forgiveness
It must be sincere.
And to achieve that, I think we need to take a look at the concept of restorative justice. In South Africa, the best test case of this was the trust and reconciliation commission. To be effective, all parties must leave the need to be “right” or justify their actions out of the conversation and aim to give an account that includes the above elements. A dialogue follows and restoration with relationships in tack or forged a new result.
In the business context, this can be the single most vital component to master. Now, please do not misunderstand – I am not suggesting an overly apologetic – a sorry Johnny for being here shift. Instead, I am telling you that where something has not worked that a debrief be had. It is a crucial point in any form of project management. His perception must change to protecting being “right” and focus on a culture of continuous improvement. This would include restoring relationships that may have been impacted by whatever was not working from a system or a process point of view.
The fact is that the system and process drive behaviour – change will be inevitable. Being connected and mindful of the impact of relationships is a much more proactive way of dealing with challenges. Statistically, it has shown a yield of higher team retention and impactful leadership.
